Missing in Action

Baby bump at 17.5 weeks

Oh, Blog! How I've neglected you.
You could say I went AWOL.
(This post should make up for it. Beware, it's a big long-winded)

But I had good reason to these past several weeks.

Various projects have been keeping me busy. A graphic design job - my first big design job really - has been taking up most of my time. It's been fun and a good learning experience, but reminds me that I'm not creating my own things. So I'm looking forward to when I finally finish everything and can get back into creating for myself.

I also had a few wholesale/custom orders to fulfill. And some shops to restock.

But most significantly, Matt and I had a rather unnerving development with the pregnancy the other week...when I got a phone call from my doctor's office. You know how they tell you no news is good news? Well, to put it mildly, I was not too happy to have received that call.

I had gone for my 3rd prenatal visit mid-month and since I was around 15 weeks, I was due for some genetic screening. This is optional, but I didn't know that until after doing some reading on the internet. My doctor seemed to have thought my results would be normal. But 4 days after I had my blood taken, I got a call asking me to go in to speak with my doctor about the results. No other explanation really and since it was the end of the day he had already left. It was not a good night for us. Matt and I both had sinking feelings.

So the next day I got in touch with him to find out more. I was partly glad I did, but also a sobbing mess after I had. The gist of it was that my blood test indicated I was at a higher risk for a baby with a chromosomal disorder, specifically Down Syndrome. It didn't mean it was definitely true, but it certainly wasn't good news to us.

To hear this after months of carrying this little growing miracle inside me, after months of trying to get pregnant, after years of trying not to, was just a little devastating. We all hope for healthy babies and to be told that yours may not be is a big blow. You wonder if you could have done anything different? You wonder "Why us"? You pray (even though you're not religious) that things will turn out alright.

After a night of soul-searching and deep discussion, Matt and I decided that we would continue with the pregnancy, and we would love our baby no matter what. And we opted not to have an amniocentesis - the invasive procedure involving a needle going into my amniotic sac - even if it would tell us one way or the other whether our baby was healthy. The slight risk of miscarriage was not worth it to us.

I know the thought of terminating a pregnancy wouldn't ever cross some people's minds, even if they knew their baby had some kind of deficiency. But I have to be honest and say that it did cross mine. I may be getting myself into some sticky territory here by admitting that, but becoming a parent is scary enough to me. To think that we'd have to raise a child who was born with a disadvantage terrified me. I didn't think I could handle it. But I know it was just my fear getting to me. Plus I couldn't imagine ever going through with that.

The next day, Matt and I were able to see my doctor in person and he went over my results again, and explained that the next thing to do would be to get an amniocentesis, if we wanted. He said that most people who had the procedure and did find out that their baby had Downs decided to terminate. Since we'd already decided against one, the appointment was more of a formality. The doctor just wanted us to be aware of our options.

Anyways, we took our time getting home from the doctor's. When we finally did get back, there happened to be a message from him. Another phone call! What could have happened in the few hours that I had seen him? I called him back immediately and was floored by what he told me. Apparently he was faxed new blood test results and this time the news was much better... like 250% better!

The weird thing is that I never had any more blood taken. So where was this coming from? And why had they done the test again? Or was it not my results that they initially gave me? Matt and I were pretty confused but a lot relieved. The doctor told me not to worry anymore and well, I'm trying not to. It's all really a waiting game now. And I'll find out more in a few weeks' time at my next checkup.

So, now for the winner of my second blog giveaway! Matt picked the name again and the lucky winner is Kim! Although there were only 4 comments on the blog post, other ways to enter the draw including buying something from my shop and also being one of my Happy Customers on flickr. Kim sent me a photo of herself in one of my mustache kitty tees a while back, so earned an entry into the draw. I'm not sure what this month's giveaway will entail yet, but I promise it will be another good one.

That's all for now. Happy (Long) Weekend (to my fellow Maple Leafs)!